Making introductions - Two Etiquette Experts discuss
Two etiquette professionals - John H. Remer and William Hanson - compare aspects of modern etiquette in Britain to Canadian and American customs.
John H. Remer: Good afternoon, William.
William Hanson: Hello, Jay! What is our chosen topic for today?
John H. Remer: I think we ought to begin with making introductions. I teach people to introduce the junior to the senior and men to women.
William Hanson: Yes, the person of the subordinate position (including age) is introduced to the more senior.
John H. Remer: Always being sure to name the senior or woman’s name first.
William Hanson: Yes, it’s the same over here. Thus it would be: “Sir Henry, may I introduce Mr. Stephens?”
Jay H. Remer: Yes, and we must avoid the term ‘you to’ and remember it is always ‘to you’, correctly saying: “Sir Henry, may I introduce Mr. Stephens to you.”
William Hanson: Exactly. Now, what would you say once you had been introduced to someone?
Jay H. Remer: “How do you do, William, nice to meet you”, – extending my hand to yours (which is hopefully extended) I find that repeating a person’s name several times in the first minutes of conversation ensures that I remember the name.
William Hanson: Yes, the repeating of 3 times helps and also ensures the other person feels welcome. However, may I point out that in formal British etiquette the response: ‘Pleased to meet you’ is a big no-no? It’s ‘how do you do’ and then your name. Some people over here find ‘How do you do’ a bit pompous – so I advise that they just stick to a simple ‘Hello’.
Jay H. Remer: Eye contact and a firm handshake are also very important. No hand crushing or limp fish shakes or pumping from the shoulders.
William Hanson: Exactly. Also, don’t do a power handshake using your left hand to grip the other person’s hand. One hand is enough. And two pumps are correct. Anything else feels uncomfortable and awkward. Prolonging the handshake can also be an indication that you did NOT pay attention to the person’s name and have most likely forgotten it.
Jay H. Remer: I agree and make sure your hand is straight up and down with your thumb pointed up and your fingers pointed forward to ensure perfect web to web contact. Do not shake with your palm facing down or with two hands; as that indicates dominance. The two-hand shake is usually reserved for the clergy who are trying to comfort someone.
William Hanson: Now we’ve done introductions. Shall we do ‘goodbyes’?
Jay H. Remer: Yes, good idea William. For exiting a conversation, I think it’s wise to repeat the person’s name. A remark such as “I look forward to meeting you again, William” would be okay.
William Hanson: Yes. You can say ‘it was lovely to meet you’ (or variations on ‘pleased to meet you’) at the end. And I would never suggest using a person’s first name without them saying you can.
Jay H. Remer: I agree completely. And how do like to handle business cards? I think it is best to be asked for a business card from the senior executive.
William Hanson: If it’s a social gathering then a business card is probably not appropriate unless business has come up in conversation.
Jay H. Remer: Correct. Business and social events are separate occasions.
William Hanson: Indeed. A lot of people mix the two up. However, “Here’s my business card” or “May I give you my card” after a brief conversation at a business function it is perfectly acceptable.
Jay H. Remer: What about at a conference and you are working the room? I don’t think passing business cards out like confetti is very good.
William Hanson: No, but passing out business cards IS a function of being at a conference. It is absolutely reasonable and a way of networking. After discovering an individual with whom you want to do business, offer them your card.
Jay H. Remer: I think of a business card as an extension of ones’ self.
William Hanson: Yes. I agree.
Jay H. Remer: These introductions are the foundations upon which business relationships are formed. They should be very carefully planned in one’s mind and executed graciously.
William Hanson: Yes. Making a good impression first-off is vital, especially in business. People judge others, rightly or wrongly, within the first 5 seconds of meeting them.
Jay H. Remer: We must also remember good posture. I like to remember Professor P.M. Forni’s great quote: “People like doing business with people they like”. Eye contact is critical and your eyes must remain above the neckline. Otherwise, delivery of the intended message can become too informal.
William Hanson: Speak clearly. If someone has to strain their ears to hear what the other is saying, that is bad manners on the speaker’s part.
Jay H. Remer: I notice that many people tend to speak way too fast.
William Hanson: Especially when nervous. Try to take a deep breath before encountering someone, compose yourself. Remember that what you have to say IS important and worth hearing.
Jay H. Remer: Smiling is an important component of showing confidence. The limited use of hands and arm gestures might emphasize a point and let the other person you are genuinely engaged in the conversation. By restraining your hands and or arms you keep from hitting the other person accidentally, we were taught to express ourselves with our mouths not our hands-it was always considered bad form.
William Hanson: Yes. One should also pay attention to what the other person is saying (even if it’s terribly dull) as they will no doubt ask a question to you once they have finished and you’ll look silly if you had switched off.
Jay H. Remer: Escaping dull conversations is and of itself an art. It is important when working a room to be able to go from one small group of people to another without being disrespectful.
William Hanson: Yes. The “Do excuse me, I’ve just spotted someone I need to catch before they leave...” is a good one if done well.
Jay H. Remer: Once you have visited with everyone you wanted or perhaps did not necessarily care to engage you can politely excuse yourself. You have accomplished your introduction and good bye mission and hopefully made some nice new contacts for your business and or social future.
Jay H. Remer: Well, I think we’ve covered some good ground today, William.
William Hanson: Yes, we have. Let’s talk again soon.
William Hanson (www.williamhanson.co.uk)
William Hanson is an international protocol and presentation consultant. Based in Manchester, England, he has taught to organisations, companies, school and private households alike. In 2008 he joined The English Manner, leading protocol & etiquette consultancy firm. William regularly appears in the media, and is the etiquette expert of choice for BBC Radio.
Jay H. Remer (www.etiquetteguy.com)
Jay H. Remer is certified by the Protocol School of Washington as a consultant for corporate etiquette and international protocol. He has been entertaining and giving advise on entertaining for over 40 years. He answers etiquette questions every Saturday in the National Post and has a newspaper column “The etiquette guy” in the Telegraph Journal.
Posted by Karin Schroeck-Singh at 29 Dec 2009, 4:06 AM 
Categories: Discussions, International Etiquette, Business Etiquette, Small Talk Etiquette
Tags: manners making introductions Small Talk Etiquette introductions etiquette experts two etiquette experts discuss business John H. Remer conversations across the pond Karin Schroeck-Singh William Hanson etiquettegay business etiquette
Categories: Discussions, International Etiquette, Business Etiquette, Small Talk Etiquette
Tags: manners making introductions Small Talk Etiquette introductions etiquette experts two etiquette experts discuss business John H. Remer conversations across the pond Karin Schroeck-Singh William Hanson etiquettegay business etiquette
Comments